I need help removing her.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
