she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
