Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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