Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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