My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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