we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
