So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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