We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
