Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
