then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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