Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
