I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
