If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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