I murdered the dance floor call the cops
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
