i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
