Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
