I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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