He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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