I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
