his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
