If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We just shotgunned beers for America
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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