you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
