even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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