have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
