is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
