The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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