So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
