im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
