My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
