You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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