They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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