Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
