Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Randomize