i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
