Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm sobbing to NWA
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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