i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
