Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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