There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
organizing the empties. That sober.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
