just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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