My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
