btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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