Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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