Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
