How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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