Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
