We won't sleep together?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
