Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
