Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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