She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you would pick up someone in the library
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
