You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
