But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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