I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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