Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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