you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
