Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
