I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize