Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
