Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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