...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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