I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
