Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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