I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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