I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
