I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
