Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We have started to decorate penises.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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