It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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